Just What I Needed

Sometimes I spend so much time in "my world" that I forget that there are still more people than I care to think about who believe that I am sinful, perverted, evil, yadda, yadda, yadda, because I am Gay. When I get reminded, like I did in school on Saturday, I get pretty discouraged about trying to be a Gay Christian. More accurately, I get discouraged about trying to be a Gay Christian who is involved in organized religion.

Sunday night, Rev. Dr. Jo Hudson, the Senior Pastor at Cathedral of Hope Dallas, preached for the first time at Cathedral of Hope Houston. It was JUST exactly what I needed to hear.

Her sermon was entitled Radical Inclusion: Breaking Down the Walls. She talked first about the 20th anniversary of the breaking down of the Berlin wall and how that event, the breaking down of that wall, gave the world hope. She talked about Jesus and the breaking down of walls he spoke about during his ministry - the seemingly impossible odds they faced. Then she talked about 'hitting the wall' as a runner and what happens to you if you don't stop, but instead you dig down deep inside and hang on - the result being that you get that second wind, break through the wall, and continue forward even stronger than before.

Rev. Hudson likened 'hitting the wall' in running to what happens to all of us at times in our lives. The wall may have to do with discrimination we face, a professional crisis, or a great personal loss. We may hit the wall as a people of faith. We lose our hope. We hit the wall of our struggles and we hit the walls of our complacency. Regardless, in order to go on and not give up, we have to dig down deep inside and find what we need to break through the wall, tear it down, brick by brick.

She told us when had been called to break down the walls of oppression, the walls of misinformation that try and convince us that God only loves certain people.

She then told us that we had been called by God at this time, and in this place to be a part of the Cathedral of Hope Houston, and that we had to continue forward, breaking down the walls. We have been called to reclaim Christianity and demonstrate radical inclusion, extravagant generosity, and relentless compassion.

We had a potluck afterward, our small, but faithful little congregation. It was a joy filled, blessed evening for me.

God is with us.

An Authentic and Intentional Life

In August of 2008 I started graduate school at Perkins School of Theology which is a part of Southern Methodist University. I am in a Masters of Divinity program. An M.Div is the degree for folks who plan on being ordained ministers. The M.Div. is a significantly more extensive program than most master's degrees. In the United States the degree usually consists of well over 80 semester hours, as opposed to the usual 36 or 48.

Yup, I want to be an ordained minister. Can’t really tell you what that looks like right now but God is big and God has brought me to this point and I trust will take me the rest of the way (as long as I show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and let go of the outcome…).

One of the women I started the program with invited me to join a covenant group of other women in the program. The group is lead by an ordained minister. The woman who invited me to join is now in Dallas going to Perkins full time. We invited three other women in our program to join us.

The group is the kind of deal that unless you gonna tell truth there is no point in going. Kinda defeats the purpose. When we meet we all answer these questions:

• How is it with your soul?
• Where is God working in your life?
• Where are you resisting God's work in your life/what obstacles are you experiencing to God's work in your life?

Pretty big questions. Sometimes I wonder which helps me more – my being honest or the honesty of the other women in the group.

The other night when we met I shared that I felt unsettled. For the past 20+ years my friends in 12-Step recovery have been my anchor. In addition to that I found great support from my old church and my parents. Both of my parents are gone, I am attending a different church now, and because of school I am becoming more distant from my posse in AA. It is unsettling. More than that though is the fact that I often don’t know what to say to my 12-Step friends when I am around them because my life is full of things that do not interest most of them.

In many ways I feel closer to the women in my covenant group than anyone else. I really don’t know them that well yet, and asking them for support is hard. I want more than anything though to live an authentic and intentional life – present in the moment for every bit of it. Even the uncomfortable stuff…

It is just unsettling. I have never been here before and I can’t clearly see the path ahead of me. I have to trust the process.

So there it is – I have put it out there. Whew! Sure makes it more manageable when I do.